The whole rejection thing has been getting to me more and more lately. I guess logically, I should be used to it and it shouldn’t affect me, but it really does and lately I’ve looked at people with more envy than normal, seeing them with their friends and enjoying their lives. Yeah, there might be on the surface than that, it could all be an illusion or exaggerated, but it’s hard to see it that way when you don’t have any friends or are in demand in some capacity. If you’ve read my previous posts, rejection and isolation are massive themes in my life.
All my adult life, I’ve overcompensated on social media, a place where more often than not, I’ve felt safe, like I can be myself, where people actually give me compliments and improve my self-worth and value. Okay, I’ve also had to deal with the negative side, but a negative comment on the internet is easier to brush off than an insult and rejection in real life, that hurts ten times more. Of course, I’ve not always made it easy, I’m extremely guarded, quite reserved and on occasion, that’s given people the wrong impression.
I was once naive to think things would just work out if I tried my best. As the years go by, the experiences I could have had fade away, the more it’ll hurt me, the more I’ll feel unworthy of everyone else, the more I’ll be less appealing to people.